The Best Movie In The World.

I am a genius.
I conceived this wonderful idea for a movie. Everything from here down is certified gold.

Title: Jane, Michael and Other People.

Overview:
A heart warming tale of love,. loss, triumph, despair, interferometry and the Heimlich manouver. A story laced with so much warmth and humour, you'll want to start a knife-fight with your grandmother. Twice. Hard.

Synopsis:

-- Spoiler Warning!!--

The story of two lost souls and a talking horse named Roy, brought together by an inexcplicable love of breakfast cereals and a penchant for Uno. Jane and Michael fall in love, are driven from their home town by a secret society bent on revenge and are forced to take shelter in an orphanage run by pirates.
After the realisation that the recently vanished Roy is being used as the glue in paper mache during Activity Time and after enduring much suffering at the hands of Captain Glockenspiel and his mateys, the pair set off and become the first couple to reach the Antarctic on a raft made of prawn crackers.
It is here that Michael meets his conjoined twin Phil who up until now, Michael had beleived was a large birthmark. The three of them then conspire to dethrone the evil ice queen Oprah and recruit an army of penguins who overthrow their oppressor and reclaim the Antarctic Tundras as their own.
Jane is then cut down by the news that her only living goldfish has died and she realises she must return to her choldhood home to retrieve the secret code hidden within Splashy's stomach lining before the vengeful secret society uncover it and destroy the Pyramids.
On a plane laden with reptiles, they begin their venture back to their home but are unwillingly thrown into the middle of a warzone where against all orders they destroy the last remaining German U-boat and save the world from an impending nuclear holocaust.
Upon arriving back in their hometown, they are told by a blind man that Splashy has been sent to the 'Big Lake In the Sky' and is currently working as a secret double agent for God and Vishnu.
Using the Sceptre of Incontinence that his Grandfather had passed down to him, Michael summons Splashy for a climactic final battle against their arch nemesis Captain Glockenspiel whom they have discovered is hiding out in a disused barn by the bayou. The balance of good and evil is restored as Splashy defeats the pirates and sends them back to Fiji.
Splashy then begrudgingly returns to his perilous life as a double agent as Jane and Michael decided to get Phil 'put down' as his poor hygiene was beginning to make Michael and Jane unpopular with the members of their book club.
After Phil has been removed and interred, Jane and Michael decide to celebrate by trying to create a family in numerous ways.
After a period of nine months (which is represented in a 25 second montage), the couple are overjoyed by their arrival of their new baby boy, however Michael notices a strange birthmark on his new born son's forehead.
Michael tries to play down his intuition but he can't help thinking the birthmark on Herbert's forehead bears a striking resemblance to....
A lightning bolt!!!!


(See what i did with that pun there- striking resemblance- a ha ha ha... err....I'm so lame, I need a walking frame.)

Updates!!
Tim Robbins has purchased the rights to this already.
Splashy is to be played by Steven Seagal.
Nicole Ritchie is to make a cameo appearance as a diseased stick.