Ask and ye shall receive... A crap response #1

Dear JC
My boss smells. Should I tell him?
From J


Dear J,
Is this a joke, or are you experiencing a bit of a workplace dilemma?

Presuming the circumstance is the second option, here is my breakdown of the situation:

Option 1.

You tell him he smells. This sets of a chain reaction of various events, which have been detailed below:

1a) He freaks out and promptly heads to the toilets to refresh, or being the boss, heads home for a 'meeting' (or a shower)
1b) This then results in an embarrassed employer which often initiates some stern treatment of the embarrasser (ie. you) even if you were telling him for his own good.
1c) In a small office, paranoia spreads quickly. Thus you create a workplace on the edge, where everyone is hypersensitive to the slightest suggestion that something smells awry.
1d) Trust issues begin to develop. People are not sure whether you're looking to politely inform them of their problem, or whether you're on a witchhunt to publicly announce the uncleanliness of anyone within nose-shot of you.
1e) The backlash from this is that there will be a sudden rise in both the frequency and quantity of deodorant/aftershave/cologne/air freshener being used by paranoid co workers to mask both existent and imagined smells. Asthmatics become alarmed.
1f) Distrust reigns supreme and the stench of uncertainty is far worse than anything else in the office. People eat bland food to avoid any potential odours that may result from the consumption of certain spices or flavours.
1g) Productivcity hits an all time low as breaks for toothbrushing/washing/deodorising deplete the workweek by up to 4 hours a day.
1h) The final straw is the day someone turns up with the protective face mask on. No one is thinking straight. All work pales in comparison to the importance of staying clean. A colleague will arrive one morning wearing the white cloth breathing mask, eyes darting nervously and the 'everyman to his own' mentality begins.
1i) Co-workers begin guerilla tactics in order to divert the attention away from their real or imagined scent. Ploys include egg sandwuch substitutions, crushed garlic in toothpaste tubes and the hiding of perishable items under desks.
1j) tempers flare, lives are lost.

Option 2.

You don't tell him.
Everthing plays out as above, however there is even less trust because people know that he smells and also know no one is going to tell him, or them if they smell.
Thus, the half life of the above happenings would be much shorter.

The choice is yours.

JC

DISCLAIMER: Do not use this as actual advice. Last time someone took my advice a species of small rat-like marsupials became extinct.
Yes, I do feel bad about it.